[jussy]

 >:(Hi all,
I have a 7yr old son with ddcd and aspergers.He is so easily lead and a risk of being bullied.He is so innocent.
My dilemma being the boy next door.He has taught my son swear words,he has son doing dangerous and silly things cause he knows he will do what ever he says.We caught them with a lighter not long since and the other boy trying to set fire to my sons top whilst he was wearing it!.His parents do have a lot of problems with him but they constantly "ground" him to no effect.I have invited him without prejudice into my home.He had no respect for my home,throwing cushions about etc.They went upstairs and he held a cuddly toy up to the light and it began to burn n set on fire!.
I have so had enough and my son does not understand why i dont want him to play with this boy.
I am at the point of wanting to move,but i will probably find another child just like the one we have next door.
Would you consider moving or am i being dramatic and over reacting?
I have tried to talk to the childs parents about his behaviour but the boy turned it all round and said it was my son.They then said that their son had not to play or talk to my son.
Please help.
Justine

[Julie]

Hi Justine

I think that I would feel the same as you, and would want my son to keep away from the boy next door.  However, having a son with Asperger's myself, I know that making friends can be more difficult for children with Asperger's.    Are there any other children nearby that you could encourage your son to play with - in the hope that he will not want to play with the boy next door so much?

Failing this, I think that I would feel the same as you and want to move house.  Although that does seem quite drastic, most parents have an inbuilt feeling to protect their children and this is all that you are doing.  I would feel exactly the same so don't think that you are over-reacting.

My son is 8 years old and just about to move on to another school.  He will remain in mainstream school but as time goes on there is a greater risk of bullying, which is a worry for us.  However, the alternative of him going to a special school in our area is not an option that we wish to take.  It would not be appropriate for our son.  So we just have to wait and see and keep our fingers crossed that everything will work out.

(Sorry I can't bring to mind what ddcd is, but I certainly know about Asperger's)

Best Wishes
Julie

[jussy]

 ;)Hi Julie,
Thanks for the reply.
My son has only just been diagnosed with aspergers,but i can see the problems we will have in the future.He was diagnosed with dyspraxia(ddcd) its the new name for dyspraxia,when he was 4yr old.
There are no other children they are all older.
It breaks my heart when he tells me so innocently what this boy has been doing and asking son to do.It is really getting me down.
He also is in mainstream school but they are not understanding of his needs and are not supportive at all,so that will be my next battle if they dont change.
He also moves to the junior part of the school and i am so scared,worried for him.
Thanks for your support,regarding the move.I think only a parent of a child with special needs would understand how we feel.
Going to look around estate agents today.
Take care and thanks again.
Justine

[Speeds]

Hi

This post is very sad,

Sounds like unfortunately you are living next to chalk when you have cheese.  Chalk is being very naughty and has his own problems and your gorgeous cheese is unable and unaware of how these things are unacceptable.

Moving is a big step, emotionally, financially to name a few.

My son is easily led but so far he has not been truly bullied or led astray by fellow pupils at his mainstream school.  They are all quite nice to him most of the time and the rest of the time it can be frustrating for everyone.

Hope you come to a suitable solution.

If I am close by you are welcome to come and bring your son over for a play and a chat.

xx

[paula]

Hi Justine,

Really sorry to hear of the problems that you are having at the moment. It is a really tricky one, isn't it and I really don't think that there is a clear cut solution. As you say, you never really know what you will be moving to if you choose to do so. I find it really difficult to get the balance between protecting Michael but at the same time allowing him to be exposed to the less nice aspects of life in order to learn from them. In his class last year, there was a little boy who he was always scrapping with but we agreed to let this continue in a controlled way so they could both learn to stick up for themselves. Your situation sounds a lot more serious. I was wondering though if you are able to stop the two seeing each other at all? I know that there are no other children around, but if this relationship is a dangerous one then it may be better to stop it completely or is this not an option? Although your son does not understand this, this is not really a friendship.

Michael finds it almost impossible to make friends with mainstream children and I know how upsetting this is as all you want is for your child to be liked. It breaks my heart when he tries to join in and is always told to go away or that he is weird. Whatever your decision, you have got to do what you feel is right in your heart for your family and your son in particular. May not always be the logical decision, but when does logic come into the care of our children?

Let us know how you are getting on

Paula x

P.S. Have got a big roll of bubble wrap if you need it!