[kwood]

Hi my name is kathy and I'm so glad to have found this site. Seven years ago,while being a foster parent, my husband and I had the opportunity to adopt two little sisters we were fostering. We had them for two Yrs. and didn't hesitate,but they aslo had two older brothers who we knew and visted often. Long story short we couln't split them up for, obvious reasons. The 8 yr. old brother at the time was,Well lets just say,no one ever diagnosed him, so he was just different, as social services put it. That didn't work for me so with alot of research,on my own, He is def. Autistic,aspergers.  Jump ahead, after several yrs. of love and mainstream schooling, he has come along way and is a wonderful child.  Now he is 15 and my dilemma is this, he fits in to society 75% of the time.It'sonly when you really get to know him you see the fifferences. Most of his life he has not  formed any real bonds with other children. He can play and interact nicley but he tends to be extreamly shy. Even though I have always explain his  diffences to him,when hew was interested, and always encouranged his strenghts, he still believes he should also get the same priveliges and be aloud to do the same things as his 17  yr. old brother.     I always let him do what he is capable of but truthfully, there are some things he just can never seem to grasp, like crossing the major streets. He stops in the middle and gets all confused.   No matter what i say about cetain things,he acts like a typicle  teen, "You can't tell me what to do all my life,  I can't wait to turn 18."  But then in the next breath he says But mom whats gonna happen if I can't do this or I'm not smart enough to do that . and then there's days where he reverts to ,"I'm capable don't treat me like a baby and then times when he says," I can't help it I know maybe that was wrong but my brain was so confuse."   He smart enough to know he has differences and needs help but stubborn enough not to want no help, especially when it could be detrimental to him.  I'm trying to figure out what to do when he is 18, he will need me but will he accept that and how far do i go legally with that.    I just want him to be safe and some of the things he wants to do can really be out of his grasp mentally.   HELP!!! Too many Teen arguements with a boys who is just not capable of grasping cetain things..         Life just seems to get harder as he gets older, the other day he walked away from home just to prove he was a big boy and could reach the bridge,  Of course the cops brought him back and all he could say was," I didn't think you could get picked up for walking around and my brain wasn't thinking of how you all though,sorry."   
   He can tell you he understands what your trying to say but in the next  breath repeat something that ovviously proves he has NO clue.   Love him to death but I just don't know how to help him  understand, Something I relizes he may never grasp!!!
 
                                                     THANKS, KATHY

[Speeds]

Hi Kathy and your family

Welcome to the forum.

I can totally understand what you must be going through and I wonder if any of the autistic societies can give you any advice.  It sounds like you and he are both trying incredibly hard to make this all work.  Maybe come to a common groud?  Can you find if there are any befrienders inn your area - someone who will accompany him but not interfere.  What I mean is that they would be with him, and if he gets in to any difficulties they will be there to calmly deal with the situation.  The one example you said about the traffic, they would just guide him safely across the road if he had just stopped but would also make sure that others around can see the danger.  Not explaining my self well.  Where I am here there is a Me2 club where young adults/teens do activities but have the "safety net" of their Me2 helper.  This can be as much as full on support or just like you say being there when they need to do something where they become vulnerable, such as roads, using public toilets, in a queue, paying with money.

Hope that this helps a little but also, sometimes just being able to chat to people who understand is the best tonic.

Karen

[kwood]

 Karen,   That's a great idea,since I'm fairly new to the area I'll have to look into it more closely. You are right when you say just having someone to chat with could help, It certainly does.   Thanks a million!!!

                 Kathy

[Speeds]

Hi Kathy

Where abouts are you located?

I am in Berkshire.

xxxxx

[kwood]

Hi Kathy

Where abouts are you located?

I am in Berkshire.

xxxxx

[kwood]

 Sorry I have been busy. I live in Tempe ,Az.

[paula]

Hi Kathy!

Some good advice from Speeds(again!) Sorry to be a bit dim, but where is Tempe/

Paula

[Speeds]

Hi Kathy!

Some good advice from Speeds(again!) Sorry to be a bit dim, but where is Tempe/

Paula

Paula

It is Arizona in the US