[paula]

As of our two children, one goes to a special school and the other is in a special needs nursery bullying isn't something which we've yet had to worry about. But there is a lot of pressure in our area for children to attend mainstream schools. I noticed the news article on the BBC website today about bullying of special needs children - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6160548.stm - and have to admit its quite a worrying thing. To think that an autistic child was repeatedly thrown against the corridors of the school makes me shudder, but to be honest I'm not surprised. In the school I attended, anyone who was a little bit different was an immediate target for bullies.

I'd be interested to hear other opinions on this subject, particularly if you have first hand experience.

Paula

[MistBrown]

Hello Paula!
I have to say that I was scared to death to send my Down Syndrome son to junior High school this year. In grade school everyone watches over these kids, includes them in most everything, and treats them with such respect. Junior high school is a whole new world. They are teased, laughed at, and made front of daily. We chose not to mainstream my son for fear of this, and really I'm still sitting on the fence with this decision. I'm upset at myself for thinking I have to keep him in a self contained classroom for fear of his safety and be ok with that decision everyday. He was mainstreamed at his elementary school and I knew that the more exposure regular education kids get to these special folks, the more they understood how to help be a mentor to them.  So who do we blame? The schools? The parents teaching no morals and values to these kids? I promise they point the finger at each other.

[johnvb]

The choice between mainstream education and special education is incredibly difficult, but its a decision that's unfortunately often taken out of our hands here in the UK, where we may be subject to inclusion policies. With our two children, we can see there are benefits of both types of education but we can also see that for some children, inclusion just does not work. Not only are there major issues of bullying, but how depressing must it be to be forced to operate in a classroom environment where you know you are the lowest achieving of the group at absolutely everything.

One thing I would say is that should not feel upset with yourself for taking a decision that you have thought long and hard about, especially when your son's safety is at stake. I doubt that you can lay the blame on either schools or the parents, as its the general values of society that instill the underlying problems.

John

[Claire]

I worry about this too, especilally for kids with learning difficulties. A child with down syndrome in a main stream school I worked in wasn't bullied but was beginning to be babied by his peers, almost treated as the class pet, which is just as bad. It is really hard to find the right balance between the two.

[johnvb]

We've seen this happen with Elise our daughter too. Other children often treat her as a baby, I guess because of her speech, physical and behavioural delays. Not sure if its a problem at the moment but I hope it doesn't continue in the future.

[welshie]

hi john just read what you put about your daughter we had that problem with daniel being babied and treated younger as he was small and very poor speech.At first daniel enjoyed the attention but when he had enough he made others aware that this wasnt what he wanted so luckly it didnt become a problem hope you find the same with your daughter they have enough to deal with without the additional problem of how there treated in school
Rachel x

[Julie]

I have seen this too, with our Son in Mainstream school, but it has not been a problem to him and I take it that the children are just being kind to him.  I think that when they are younger, this is the case.  I can see that as they get older (probably over that it can seem that they are treating them in a babyish way and it could be a problem then.  My son is 7, and all the children at his school seem to make allowances for him and are really kind to him.  He can be difficult, and he acts in an odd way at times, which they find a bit confusing, so I would not be too critical of them.

Regarding bullying in mainstream schools - John has mentioned that there are benefits to both mainstream and special schools, but there are also down sides to both (not just to mainstream).  Our son is academically able, and has managed to progress in mainstream school (he does have a statement).  They have been marvellous to him there and I can't praise them enough.  We shortly have to decide if he will go on to another Mainstream school next September or change to a special school.  Finding the right special school is a problem too - as from what I can gather most Special Schools teach children who are under achieving, so this would not be suitable for our son.  The other down side to Special schools is that children can often 'pick up' behaviours from other children there that they would otherwise not be exposed to.

So lets not be too negative on the Mainstream school system, as it does work for some.  It is just down to finding the right school for our children, be it Mainstream or Special.

[johnvb]

I don't blame the other children for treating Elise in a babyish way, all children love a baby to play with don't they? In our case, because of Elise's adoption she always craves attention so loves this, I just hope that she is mature enough to realise when it isn't appropriate and knows how to make others aware she doesn't appreciate the attention like Daniel did.

I'm not anti-mainstream school, far from it. In fact we are hoping that Elise will integrate into the mainstream school this year (though she is being introduced gradually with a lot of support). For a child that is able to follow roughly the same curriculum as their mainstream peers then mainstream is most likely the best option. However, there are other children who would be completely out of there depth in this environment. What I am against, is decision making based on politics or finance rather than the long term benefit of the child. I've so often heard professionals make blanket statements like "all children should go to mainstream school", driven by misguided political policies.

A final point to make is that at the special school my son attends there are a huge range of academic abilities catered for. In fact I am aware that a few years ago a student went on to gain a first class degree in a top University. But I agree, this is the only special school I am aware of that can provide for this level of achievement.

Rant over...

[Julie]

Hi John

I absolutely hear where you are coming from - and agree with you.  I just felt that the need to praise the mainstream schools (for once) as they often get negative things said about them (and I mean generally and not on this site).  I absolutely agree that some children would be out of their depth in mainstream and it would be totally inappropriate for them to go there, but others can go into mainstream and thrive.  I am sure that Elise will be able to intergrate into mainstream, and with the right support will thrive there.

I also know of a child with Autism who went to the same mainstream school as my son, and who went on to a special school (but not the one that his parents wanted him to go to as it was slightly out of the area and monies would not be handed over to the chosen school).  The child has been at the special school for a year and unfortunately his progress has gone back a year.  This is what I am afraid of for my son, should we choose a  special school.   We might find ourselves in the same situation.

And they say that parents have a choice, when choosing a school for their children!

[welshie]

hi both

Our son started his education in special needs well to be honest he had to as he had no speech and his interaction with others was very poor and we had grave concerns how he'd cope where ever he went.Chose of schools weren't what we expected in fact there was very little chose within the area,but we got Daniel into a school for children will moderate speech and comunication difficulties. We had a positive start and daniel shone and come on fantastically at first.
But like you say julie these schools seem to be more apprpriate for children that under acheive and Daniel seemed to stop thriving so at 8 1/2 it was decide to intergrate him into mainstream with support which thankfully went really well he's now in high school still with support but educationally he's doing brilliantly.
As a parent i think you have the best view on what your child is capable of and if academically they can cope mainstream with adequate support seems the best oppurtunity for them.
 i hope you both get the positve outcome that we have with DAniel
good luck Rachel x

[Julie]

Hi Rachel

Thanks for your message.  It's nice to know of someone in a similar position as us.  Its really great to hear that your son has done so well too.  I have visited the mainstream school that I was hoping to send him to, to see what 'vibes' I got from the SEN Department.  I really don't know what to do now, as I came away feeling disappointed.  This would be the school that most of his friends from his current school would go to (which gives it a big plus, in my sons case, as he likes continuity).  I will now have to visit a couple of other mainstream schools in the area, but I know that there will only be a handful of children going to these schools that he will know.   To make matters worse, we have to make a much quicker decision than everyone else, because he has a statement.  We have just 6 weeks to decide, whereas the rest of the children in his year have until the middle of January to decide which school they will go to next September. 

Maybe I just need to go back to the school I have already visited, to see if I feel any happier on a second visit!

Julie

[welshie]

my advice julie would be to visit other schools and those your considering visit again everywhere can have an off day. I understand how you feel about where your sons freinds are going but in our case it was the school that fewer of his friends went to that we sent Daniel too as we felt happier on visits there than the alternative more popular school. Try talking to your son too as in high school there unlikely to be with old friends obviously dont put it that way with him but let him know he'l be making new friends. I took daniel with us for some of our visits i think we went about 3 times to the school he eventually went too. I know its daunting and wish you luck happy visiting x

[Speeds]

Hi Julie

Just to let you know that I had my son's school chosen and that was it.  Then one week before the end of term and he was due to start in the September the HEad was so rude t me and others that I moved his school.  Make sure you are happy.

[welshie]

you and your child need to be happy ,the school staff need to be approachable and helpful at all times other wise you will never feel totoally happy. The primary school my daughter went to were very dismissive of my concerns nd more than once put my children in a position i was unhappy with. My daughter just didn't improve there and the senco was appaling and she was the most difficult woman to approach so at 9 i moved her to a different school and what a differeece Sarah improved socially and even thought there was no statement in place at that time there gave her one to one support. schools can make such a difference be sure you happy.
good luck
RAchel x