[nina]

just wondered if anyone else has this problem and how do u deal with it thanks

[paula]

Have already posted this under a different heading but have just realised that it is really supposed to be here!

A very experienced Mum of two autistic children passed on this advice for which I am very grateful.

“My belief is that no one has the right to 'force' a diagnosis on anyone, especially the person who has been diagnosed. I should imagine he's already had enough alienation, bullying etc to last a lifetime, trying to label what's different won't help him until he's ready. His anger will be directed at the diagnosis - that's what's made him where he is. Totally understandable really.
When he's ready, and if he's capable, there are numerous websites globally for 'auties' and 'aspies' where he will find many young people like himself. The only thing any carer can do is point him in the direction of these sites.
My heart goes out to his carer but there is really nothing they can do apart from read up - discretely - as much as they can.”

I have just read a book called The Autistic Spectrum by Lorna Wing which has been really interesting, and she also discusses making children aware of their disabilities. She says that children’s understanding obviously varies and the tact we take depends on the personality and temperament of the child because obviously their level of acceptance will vary.

As a rule she says we must try and boost their self esteem and emphasise their positive skills and the things they do well. In addition, “Some ask if they have got a mental illness…Explain that the problem is not an illness but a different type of organisation of the brain that has its advantages and disadvantages. It can be pointed out that everyone is good at some things and les good at others.” She also says to point out that there are many people who despite having problems in certain areas are very successful, citing the obvious examples of Einstein and Mozart.

Wing says that individuals who are in denial are underneath it all aware and unhappy. “The only course of action is to say nothing but to be prepared to give support if and when the individual shows the need”

Hope this helps and any contributions gratefully received

Paula
 

 
   

[pixie]

Hi Nina, I also have a 15 year old son who really doesn't want to be "different".

He goes to a special school so I use that fact to help him understand that all the children at his school have ASD so he has nothing to compare with.

I have explained also that because of his ASD he may find some things more difficult, such as the sensory issues that he has.

But also that things will improve as he gets older but it will take longer than for other young people without ASD.

It is difficult but I have always tried to be open and honest with all three of my ASD young people as I don't feel I can protect them forever or make life seem rosier than it really is.

Sometimes I have had to let them try things which I know will fail just so that they have had a go. ie. a music concert.

I don't know whether that is any help at all but it's just the way we do things and for our kids it seems to work most of the time.

ASD is a daily learning thing for us even though mine are 26, 21 and 15.